How to teach children about sex in a way that it is okay as long as you are married? What are the differences that men and women feel pleasure during sex? What affect does being raped or molested as a child have in marriage?
It seems that in relationships, or in my family that when my mom talked about sex, it felt like sex was the most important thing in a marriage and that it was at the top of the barometer. She said that as long as you are good in bed, you will be great. Then as I started growing up I felt lost because everyone around me had a education on sex and I did not know anything about it and had to learn from friends and my uncle. I felt embarrassed that my mom didn't teach me one of the things she felt was most important. When I met my husband we had this communication and openness to one another. I think that you have to build this foundation on the relationship of getting to know someone, opening up, communicating, trusting, loving, being committed to marriage, and then the touch and physical desires of intimacy can come out. I think that if you are good at all of these things you are going to be good at sex with your partner and have a strong relationship. If it doesn't have this fundamental foundation in place and sex is all you care about, you wont be as good to knowing the needs and desires of your partner in breaking the basic barriers and most likely will be a struggle to be open and communicate about other things especially if you aren't able to even talk about sex. Not only will it be hard for you to talk about sex to your partner, when you have kids it will be even more difficult. I feel like it is hard to teach children about sex, especially going up in the church where you hear as a child that it is bad and to stay away from it and then the world tells you how amazing and fun it is, making fun of you if you don't have sex. Its so confusing as a child growing up where my mom never talked about it much and I felt all these mixed signals. Which made it really hard for me as I got married I feel like because I felt that I was doing something wrong but at the same time it felt so right. Its hard to explain, but the point is that I wish I would have known more and taught more that sex is wonderful and good within the boundaries of marriage. That it is a special and sacred thing to do with your spouse to grow closer together in becoming one. Bad experiences as a child can have a huge affect on marriage because it places a trust barrier and brings up bad memories which can be very hard for the couple to overcome this belief that sex is only bad and painful because of the way you experienced it by force. Another thing that is interesting is how men and women feel pleasure and the stages of Excitement, Plateau, and Orgasm differently during sex. In a male it is pretty easy to get him excited just by touching him and arousing thoughts in his brain and orgasms pretty quick and then has this release and break. Women on the other hand, must feel safe and close to someone before they can get excited, when they are excited, there is this plateau stage that feels continuous until it finally reaches orgasm and even then a lot of times it can be multiple orgasms where as men usually can only have one and then have this release. I thought that was interesting and how much sense it makes.
