Communication takes on many forms in any group, institution, team, company, and other settings. Marriage is certain not estranged to requiring communication in order to function properly. The text mentioned different forms of communication, from verbal and written communication to nonverbal behavior. Verbal communication is the most popular form of communication, in the sense that when we think of the word communication, verbal communication such as conversations and mass forms of communication usually come to mind. The book states, “One way to examine and evaluate an intimate relationship is to view it as an ‘ongoing conversation,’ a process in which the partners strive to influence and understand each other and establish consensual meanings in their life together. One of the difficulties in this process is that words-even common words-do not have a standardized and sing meaning that is the same for everyone.” This brings up an interesting and common issue among communicators. The book mentions, as an example, that the phrase I love you could be understood to mean that you feel a deep attachment, or that you are sexually attracted to the person, or that you find being with the other person a delightful experience. People can grow up in different cultures and different places, therein some use different words in ways and understand words to have different messages than what their intent is. This is especially true when marriages or other types of relationships cross borders and mix different international cultures. Good verbal communication, and unity in understanding each other, takes time and experience to develop. When a woman tells her spouse that she is fine, she is often trying to tell her husband that she is not fine. She doesn’t tell him that though. Some men stop there, ceasing the conversation and their communication. How words are pronounced often dictate what is trying to be said. For example, “okay” said with enthusiasm could show a sign of positivity and excitement, while “okay” said with a drawn on “o” could communicate doubt, hesitation, or that the person had something else in mind but will comply anyway.
There is, however, another type of communication that takes on a more popular role than verbal communication does. Nonverbal communication, such as body language, social cues, sexual intimacy and other forms of physical touch, and behaviors that communicate messages are at a constant. Each day, we make hundreds of messages without using neither the pen nor the verbal communication discussed above. If our spouse does not realize or understand the message being transmitted through behaviors, effective nonverbal communication is not happening. Often these nonverbal cues are substitutes for verbal communication. Not all nonverbal communication, however, is bad or has negative consequences. Some nonverbal communication is good. The book gives a great example to illustrate this. It reads, “a man may ask his wife if she still loves him, and she may respond by smiling and kissing him; her response, while affirmative, is wordless.” It is none the less good communication.
Sex is also a topic that benefits from discussion between the two participating partners. The book gives an excellent example. “Chuck and Linda are a fictitious married couple who are having a discussion about their sexual relationship.” In the dialogue, Chuck tells his wife that he believes men have a stronger sex drive than women. When she relies that she doesn’t know why he would say something like that, his answer is simple but vague, “I just think its true.” To which, her response is that she has too much to do to talk about something silly like that. Such conversations can go on endlessly without discussing the real issue. Merely because people are talking doesn’t mean they are communicating.
