Transition to Early Marital Adjustments

 What are the purposes of marriage? What are the challenges couples face within the first month and year of marriage? 


     When you meet someone and go on multiple dates with them, date exclusively or court, then they purpose and are engaged! This is an important opportunity the two of you have to work together to not only plan a wedding, reception, and honeymoon, but to also plan a LIFE together. A lot of people focus so much on the actual wedding and the reception that I think they sometimes forget what takes place after the 4 hour reception.
In marriage there are a lot of transitions and adjustments that happen after you get married.
People seem to have this illusion that when you get married it is all happy and about having fun. Which you do have fun being with the person you love, but there is also quite a bit of work to do. In the first months and year of marriage there are transitions that take place. A few that I thought of in being married to my husband for two months that we face are financial stress and learning to budget more, learning to balance school, work, temple and still having time for each other to go on dates, tasks of who does what, being with someone that often or letting them in, learning to deal with things when you don't agree with like the way they do something, and sexual relations and learning something your not used to and in the church all growing up sex being not okay and bad and now being married it is okay and a way to connect with your partner. Some of the transitions couples face within being married for a year is that holidays and traditions you have to decide about and how you are going to do it and with who and where your values and priorities lie and all the ones from the first few months that you may still be adjusting to. My husband, Jake and I love each other, but there are still so many things that we are learning about each other and what we prefer and don't like. Its a huge adjustment living with someone else and sharing everything with them especially when for so long you are used to doing things yourself. Its beautiful and special, but also challenging at times. Its work and being able to work together in life, thinking that when you marry it will make life a lot simpler is setting yourself up for failure. Its hard enough just for myself to make decisions and keep life balanced, when adding another person into the equation makes it more complex and confusing. Don't get me wrong, I love being married, it just was and still is a huge adjustment for me. Even though its a transition to make, there are many good reasons to marry someone. Some of the reasons I thought of is to feel loved and to love someone, to bring children into this world and be a family, have someone as a companion and be with you, service, fulfill our potential, it is necessary for exaltation and someone to have sex and please each other in this life. I think that having someone who makes you feel loved is really important to me at least. It helps you to see more in yourself and builds your confidence when you have someone who loves you. I also think that when you love someone you serve them and are a help meet for them. It makes me think about when Adam was in the garden and the lord created a women because it was not good that man should be alone, so he made Eve and provided Adam with a help meet so they can serve each other, learn, grow, and face the challenges of life together. It is such a  blessing for my husband and I to be married even though at times it is rough, it will always be hard but going through life with someone makes the journey so much better.

Last First Date: How to successfully prepare for Marriage

How do we prepare for marriage? How do we know what to look for in a partner? What is a date and how does if differ from hanging out? 

My grandma told me that who you marry is the most important decision I will ever make. I think she is right and I believe that is why it is important to date lots of people and know what qualities you like and are looking for in someone to potentially marry. A lot of times people see how physically attracted they are, but we also see and observe how they treat people and in different situations you can tell a great deal about someone.


In my class, we talked about dating and how to prepare for marriage. I thought it was interesting and felt really good about how my teacher explained it. The first step is dating. In today's world, people are so confused about what dating is and think that if your dating someone you are in a relationship with them. Dating used to be in the 1950's or so and is still the idea of going on dates and getting to know each other, not hanging out with someone, watching a movie and touching for pleasure. I feel like people are sliding there way in to a relationship by hanging out like a baseball player who slides into home base. Hitting the ball as hard as they can and then just run past all the bases so quick and slide in home base as to win. I think that is how people treat dating now days and just hang out and keep sliding their way in. Dating takes time and patience and going through all the bases carefully to find an eternal companion to prepare for marriage the greatest base of all.  Dating is about getting to know your date and involves the three P's and the three T's.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks shares the importance about dating and hanging out by sharing his definition of dating, "for a date to contribute to a pattern that could potentially mature into marriage, it should be paid for, planned ahead and paired off." I really like this and how true it is, a date needs to have thought and planned ahead of time. I found it so cool how much it relates to the Family a Proclamation to the world, how in marriage a father is to Provide, Preside, and Protect. In dating, when he plans he is preparing to preside in the home, when he is paying for the date he is showing he can provide and when he is paired off with you he is able to protect. Its so cool how in essence if you really date and have this in mind, you are preparing for marriage. When going on a date it is important to also have the idea of Talk, Togetherness, and Time. In other words, in getting to know someone you should go on activities of shared interest in which you can be together, its also important to talk and get to know each other, otherwise it will be really awkward. Talk about what you like to do, what you want to accomplish, your beliefs, anything that allows you to open up and just have fun. Spending time getting to know them and giving your evening to your date with undivided attention is helpful and allows you to focus on them. The second step is courtship, which means exclusively dating someone. This is after you have been dating a awhile and when you and your partner define the relationship. Some people may think this is out of style but I think it is necessary to talk about what you are as a relationship and helps to know whether to continue going on dates with them and not lead them on. This stage of the relationship is important and should be focused on seeing if you could marry them by getting know to them better, trusting them, relying on them and then in the engagement stage when he proposes you are committing to them and then in marriage you connect and become one through touch and having sex. I really liked the Relationship Attachment model we learned about in class and how we should know someone more than we trust them, trust them more than we rely on them, be able to rely more than we commit to them, and commit more than we touch them. 

Gender identity: Nature or Nurture

 Is our gender Biologically or physiologically hardwired? Is it Nature or nurture?

Today, the world is so confused about identity and the family. A long time ago, everyone knew that sex meant a biological factor and a way to tell if the baby is a male or a female, we are born male or female. Then we stopped using the word sex to define it because people didn't like that word being repeated and used the word gender instead and said, "What is the gender of my baby"? The word gender has cultural meaning attached to being masculine or feminine which influences personality traits. This turned the question of is gender biological or physiological, in other words are we born the gender we are or do we choose as we grow and develop our personality. Most people think that with new technology in the world today and that being transgender is becoming a normal thing in our society that it makes it right, what they don't understand is the consequences and effects it will have later. I watched a few videos on this topic and it is sad that there are 4-12 year old that "declare their gender" because they don't feel like they belong and accepted as that gender. In one of the videos I watched it was this boy who played with girl toys and wanted to become a girl because his sister who was born after him had disabilities and needed more care and attention, he felt that his parents loved and cared for her more because she is a girl and he wanted to become a girl to get his parents love and attention. I also know from reading that those who have been abused as kids will more likely have problems with their own identity whether it is a boy and his father abused him so he doesn't want to be like him or not wanting to have those memories as you look at yourself so you change your gender. This is a huge problem because I believe that gender is biologically, we are born the way we are and I don't believe you can truly change genders because it is who we are. It is not assigned or developed later in life and that we need to think about what gender we re. Male and females are different because of our brain and how we think. I that we are born the gender we are meant to be and the environment allows us to develop our gender but it doesn't change it rather it strengthens it. In the Proclamation to the world it says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternity identity and purpose." We were the same gender in the premortal life and will be in the next life so why would we change it in mortality. Heavenly Father created us this way and knows us so well, he wouldn't mess up on which gender we are. I think that as a female, it makes me better at understanding people and being able to help in feeling compassion for others at times then there are times when I feel aggression and want to just get something done and over with but I am thinking about too many things. I think that is why men are better at getting the task they are doing done because they focus on one thing at a time and women are better at connecting and understanding people is because they focus more on relationships and how everything connects. That is why men and women compliment and complete each other because they see things different and work together as a team. That is how I see it with me and my husband. Its like sister Dew says in her talk that your hands work together and compliment each other because they are exact opposites.

I thought this picture was funny because this is how I thought it was, but the world thinks there are like 70 different genders that exist. I thought it was interesting how society comes up with all kinds of things rather than just accepting themselves as they are.

Culture Diversity and Social Class

In Families, different cultures have their own traditions and views of family. Culture includes material traits, social forms and culture forms. I think that people generally raise and provide for their kids in a way they know how because they were taught from their parents and grew up in that culture. In my family relations class, we watched this video called, "Tammy's Story" which talked about her social class and how she provides for her family. She also talked about how she was raised in a low class as people would say so she felt comfortable with that I think and didn't want to change from what she was used to. She was at a homeostasis stage and knew what was familiar to her. A lot of people think that being low class means you have no money or low economic status, I think there is more to it than that such as your quality of life and how you live when you don't have much. I also think that where you live and who you surround yourself with shows what kind of class you are in. If we went by economic viewpoint, my husband and I would be considered low class but I think we live in a good place, have a good life, have transportation and are doing our best to live a good life. I think we are doing better than low class. 
In some countries, they have family traditions that are very cultural and different than people comprehend. I was reading about how India has arranged marriages as their family tradition and I know that from my sister in law, who is Portugal, have the first born son have the same name as the father. 

I believe that the family perpetuates the culture because of the rituals you teach and exercise in your home is what your children take from it and make part of their culture because that is what they know and are comfortable with since they grew up in that environment.

Two aspects of my own culture I would like to perpetuate would that I see in my family would be honesty and compassion. My family is very honest and part of that reason is because my mom knew when something was up or if we were hiding something so we always told the truth when we broke something. I also want to be compassionate and loving to my husband and children. I would like to keep that culture tradition going in my family. Two things I want to improve on in my own culture is communication and spending more quality time with family. I believe it is important in a relationship and as a family to have open communication with each other. I think it is ideal in a family where the husband and wife have are very open with each other and the parents and children have a slight boundary, but still are able to communicate well. Ii also think it is important to spend time with each other. My mom was a single parent and growing up she worked a lot and I didn't spend as much quality time with her as I would have liked. I think bonding with each other as a family is important to me and something I would like to have in my future family. I think we develop these cultural forms in how we live now. If we start making a habit of these traits we can make them part of our life and teach what we live in our home. My husband and I are going to perpetuate these traits in our culture and make them part of our family life. 

                                                   This is a picture of me and my husband.

Marriage myths; Don't believe everything you hear

Do you ever wonder what the ideal family looks like and how to get your happily ever after? Where does one go to know what that looks like and how to obtain that happiness?

 Many people have family members or friends and think that their family situation is "perfect" because you can't see behind the scenes and the work they put in to making their marriage a successful or watch movies that portray "happily ever after" and make it look easy, so you believe they are madly in love. This is misleading and gives people unreal concepts of a marriage relationship. When I was little I felt this way about my aunt and uncles marriage, I didn't live in an ideal family situation or what I thought a family was suppose to be because there was always conflict and fights at my house and my parents got divorced. I wanted to have that perfect family like in the hallmark movies where they presented a happy life with little work or conflict involved so it seemed. The point is all marriages take work and have conflict, its how you communicate and resolve conflict that makes successful marriages. Both partners have to want the relationship to work and can't give up. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "We live in a world in which the whole concept of marriage is in peril and divorce is commonplace." This is so true, the concept of marriage and family have changed dramatically. Whether it is true or not, just because people hear something from lots of people they believe it to be true. We believe what we hear without checking our sources or knowing if what they are saying is true. For example, a lot of people have heard and believe that cohabitation is no big deal and it is okay to have sex without getting married, this shows little commitment or hear that half of all marriages end in divorce and have fear of getting married because of this myth that spread. This statistic causes many people anxiety as they contemplate marriage and put inside their head that they will be that 50% that will be divorced and have a failed marriage. Yes, the divorce rate has increased, but it doesn't mean it should create fear in someones mind about getting married. Its hard to measure and sample this statistic accurately because of the fact that every marriage is different and people get divorced for different reasons. Sometimes you didn't know that person as well as you thought and made life difficult for you or they changed and abused you physically or emotionally. In these circumstances, as much as you want to make the marriage work it is better to protect yourself and get out of that kind of relationship. I felt this with the divorce of my parents, my mom married a man and he was good to her until he changed and stole something that wasn't his. He went to jail and every time he came out he kept stealing, it became part of his lifestyle. My mom loved him and wanted it to work out so bad, she gave him so many chances. He was never there for her and she raised 8 kids all by herself. It was at the point where she finally thought of herself and her children and got divorced. Either way it has powerful affect on children if they got divorced or he stayed and kept going to jail. I believe in these circumstances you have to do what you think is right for you. Its those people that think divorce is the answer after one little problem. You can't let every little thing your spouse does make you so mad that you leave them, you must have forgiveness if you want any marriage to work. Marriage is not easy and it takes work, but it is so worth it. At first I was scared to get married because of my parent's getting divorced and I feared that was going to happen to me. I am so glad I didn't give in to my doubts or fears and found a wonderful man I can talk to and trust. 

Intro about me

Family Relations Class

Hello! My name is Staci Moore and I'm from Sacramento California. This is my 3rd semester attending Brigham Young University Idaho and I absolutely love it. I am majoring in Family Consumer Science with an emphasis in education and a certificate in business management. I love sewing, making things, cooking, and anything outdoors. I enjoy biking, swimming, hiking, snowboarding, and just being adventurous. I love my husband. We just got married in August and I am happy and grateful to be with him. He makes me so happy. I'm excited to be in this class this semester and to learn more about families and the controversial topics. I love my family!